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I never told my teammates because, like many other athletes, it was something that I didn’t quite know how to deal with. It was suffocating, but I felt I stuck with it. I remained in silence, pretending to be something I was not. I needed to respect my space, and this is what I did. As much as I loved the sport and spending time with my teammates, it felt like I couldn’t carry the weight of being an out gay athlete on my shoulders. I didn’t plan on coming out while I was competing because It wasn’t the right time for me. But it wasn’t as easy as most people might think. I retired from swimming in 2018 and made the decision to come out right after.
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Competing was the only thing that helped carry me through the day, and I am proud for knowing how much love and hard work I put into my swimming career over the years. Going to practice was therapeutic and it made me feel alive. The water was one of the few things that made me feel comfortable. Swimming has always been a huge part of my life and I carried that passion through my college career.
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This was a lesson I struggled learning as a competitive swimmer. The way that Felipe and many of the other LGBTQ+ athletes shared their coming out stories made me realize it is OK to be gay, play a sport and be proud of who I am. As a swimmer who did not come out to my Cartage teammates, his article was an eye-opener. I discovered he was an openly gay college volleyball player and had written about his experiences for Outsports. He and I traded numbers and talked for about a month. I can’t remember exactly the conversation we had but there was something about him that just made my heart warm. As a couple of friends and I watched a volleyball game, I went to get a drink of water and bumped into Felipe Oliveira, a Brazilian volleyball player who was there to watch a match between Carthage and Marian University. It was a cold February night in 2018 at the gym at Carthage College in Wisconsin. A chance meeting at a water fountain during a college volleyball game led to me meeting my boyfriend and changing how I saw myself as a gay man and an athlete.